


milk ghost

by pluvieux



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-28 01:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12595456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvieux/pseuds/pluvieux
Summary: happy six month anniversary





	milk ghost

j'ai finalement arrêté de te chercher

my body, like lead, weighted + clumsy as i step forward,  
your name chokes deep inside my throat, it drips from lips + falls to the floor,  
as it has so many times before

like standing in the centre of a circle of blowing leaves,  
like when i walked outside + saw a blanket of fog hiding everything (+ anything)  
the way the leaves look against the blue sky,  
my feet are numb just walking from the locker room to the pool

(i don't know if i will miss the cold or not, but i'll give it up. where would i be without you?)

precisely one day prior, the wild inside of people were allowed to roam  
but i bottled up mine + put it on a standstill, tying it with a ribbon 

i wrote your name on the bathroom stall with bright red lipstick  
i used the same glass for water after you said you liked the way it looks

my soul is your match's kindling  
every day, when i leave the call, i can still hear your laughing  
nightly, poetic susurrus, 

_a calm, dimly lit room, glowing with the presence of monitors, the air vibrating with the grooves of the va-11 hall-a vinyl, your presence shining within me_

rain on our windows, a quiet saturday  
a downpour,  
the soft buzz of the electricity of our love  
(when can i _finally_ kiss you?)

i exist  
in two places.  
_here_  
&  
where _you_ are  
(m.a.)

fall in love with me + fall in love with our noble "God"  
we can be as pure as the first day of creation

leaves scratching the pavement  
the moment we have dreamt of is here + you pull me inside eagerly. 

love is too small of a word. too big of an understatement.  
too miniscule, too vague  
it's not even close to enough to describe what burns inside of me for you

your laugh is so precious to me  
like an old favourite song that doesn't get played on the radio a lot

ghostTrickster, trickster boy  
you deserve more than perfect.  
i know that you would go out + slay dragons for me,  
juggle torches, do cartwheels, make a mockery of yourself for me

you know that i would hold you at night  
lying on the ground outside, together, looking up

"+ that's Orion," i say in a soft, soft whisper. "+ that big, bright star is Rigel, a blue-white supergiant."  
your eyes following my fingers across the inky blue sky as they trace out the constellations for you,  
"yeah. he's a hunter from Greek mythology, that type of shit, you know. he could walk on water."  
my hand lingers, fingers outstretched (my hands are very expressive, as you know, as you love so much) + your fingers wrap around mine mindlessly.

"that's cool."  
my eyes flicker to you, + i can see you blushing, even in the cold, night. this is the first time you have ever been at the smoky mountains, of _course_ i took you to the cove to see the stars at night but instead you're being a huge goober, gushing + fawning over what you can see everyday.  
our hands fall onto your chest, + our eyes maintain contact. 

the sound of the blades of grass rustling, you shift closer to me, snuggling into the crook under my arm.  
i hear you sigh, content. 

low light & driving with the windows down  
the air has an october/november chill, a fall breeze  
the wind whipping at our hair + our cheeks

we are all small, never all powerful  
"i'm going to be a devoted Catholic,"  
(under warm stone.)

OH BEAST  
DON'T SINK YOUR TEETH INTO MY SKULL, JUST YET  
THIS IS LOVE,  
I'M FINALLY IN LOVE

prophecies about the rapture being just around the corner  
worries, convincing thoughts + premonition  
i want to see you, pierced + mangled i want to see how they would like to murder 

i'm so in love with you.  
i feel lighter, i feel like a better person with you  
wilder. more at peace within myself.

gentle,  
everything has withered + fallen out of you before,  
gentle. 

being with you is living out the best parts of those romance novels i like to read (+ you tease me for it)  
i can't wait to kiss you over + over again,  
go to waffle house at 2 in the morning (i've never even been there)  
sing along to our favourite songs as loud as we can, even if there's no vocals.

you helped me laugh loudly, laugh hard  
i've never lost myself in so many fits of giggling + snorting + wheezing  
(which just makes us laugh even more)

you're the human personification of the word "happiness",  
you're sunshine, you're bonheur

getting you to laugh after you're crying makes the planets seem dull  
making you dizzy, light-headed, "mind break", makes the stars' lights subside from my interest  
we feel so small together in this huge universe,  
  
but you make me forget about the infinity beyond us

i honour you often  
devouring your collarbones in wolfbites  
trapping you in my arms  
(am i selfish for wanting you all to myself?)

the cold wash of anxiety,  
i breathe as if it buds from me,  
my veins are frozen over  
this panic inside me 

all of the world has unwound when our fingers wound together  
throwing you to the bed, i tickle your sides  
bury my head into the crook of your neck,

smooth dark wood underneath our feet  
i'm trying to dance with you, pulling you lazily along to candle (+ lamp) lit silence  
the tv playing in the background, we're just giggling + you're the one orchestrating the music  
("dah da daaa, da lada dadaaaa,")

 

 

""''''''''"

there are seven cardinal sins + seven virtues to vanquish them.  
maybe i won't have bursts of negative energy when we are together

this anxiety eats at me,  
it makes my bloodstream ice cold + turns my mind rancid  
you help me forget all that is wrong with my life + all that is wrong with me  
i'll bury myself in either you or my knives or my own hands 

i'd like to exorcise these demons, these problems, this plague that has latched its talons into my chest  
if i could just leave everything behind me + sink my fingers onto your shoulders  
everything would finally be okay.

without the security of being an adult + able to come + go as i please,  
without the security of you being right next to me,  
i feel vulnerable, like so much of my life is above my head, threatening to come down on me.

(you can honestly see where in this that i started to get anxious, it's a plague on my mind + soul, i swear.)

so come to me.  
let me come to you.  
please, i need your hand, because i'm trying something new  
it's called "happy" + i know it's nothing without you.

,,,,

every future you plan is planted on my palms.  
you pick flowers from my skin + put them in vases, plant kisses where they used to be, wait for more to grow  
you water my confidence, my comfort,  
you treat me delicately. 

you make me feel peacefully whole

 

even if our car is used + there's a stain on the ceiling + it makes a humming noise,  
\+ we're yelling the lyrics to songs we both know + stuffing our faces with junk food from a nearby gas station  
maybe brian is trying to get some sleep in the backseat + i get road rage for you

this isn't as long as i would like it to be but i love you.  
i love you.  
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you. 

(happy six months.)


End file.
